We all get angry from time to time, but when it features regularly in our close relationships, it may be time to take a closer look at it.
Quite often we resort to anger when we are feeling anxiously out of control. Anger can be a ‘quick and dirty’ fix for our emotional distress. Anger makes adrenaline surge into our system and makes us feel less vulnerable and more powerful – and is quite often a defence for other feelings which make us feel uncomfortable or insecure. Such feelings might be anxiety, guilt, shame, sadness, or feeing emotionally hurt. This can especially be the case in our relationship with our partner.
If in our relationship with our significant other we feel ignored, unimportant, accused, rejected or unlovable we can quickly get angry with them. This anger effectively distances ourselves from them – pushing them away with loud or cruel words – and makes us feel more in control and powerful than them i.e. safe again.
But there’s a catch… while we’re protecting ourselves with anger we can’t feel properly close and intimate with our partner. Anger is the opposite of trust and intimacy.
Counselling can help you take a closer look at the roots of your anger and how to manage it, contain it and ultimately get rid of it – so you can lead a more fulfilling life where your needs are met in a satisfying way. If you’re struggling with anger in your relationship, why not contact me to arrange an initial session – I’d love to hear from you.