What’s the use in counselling if there are things in your life you just can’t change?

There are so many things in our life that are out of our control – whether it’s the weather or the traffic, politics, the past, the illness of ourselves or a loved one, a bullying manager, difficult partners, children and other family members – we don’t have a magic wand to make them change or disappear. This lack of control can sometimes make us feel trapped, powerless, helpless, frustrated and angry, disappointed or anxious.

When we focus on things that are outside of our control we can get stuck. We may feel anxious or depressed or use things like alcohol, eating or gambling to help us escape from our problems for a while.  Sometimes these ways of escaping then become another problem to add to our list – making us feel further trapped and miserable.

When I meet clients for the first time, they often wonder if counselling can really help them – after all, these awful things in their life can’t be changed or made to disappear.

This is true. No counsellor  – or anybody else for that matter  – can make the difficult things in your life go away.

But what counselling can do is, first of all, help you get clearer about what is in your control. And you can take control a lot more than you may think.

We can never take away the bad stuff or give guarantees that bad stuff won’t happen again in your life. What we can do is make transformations to our way of thinking and looking at things which will change our life for the good forever. Put quite simply, this transformation involves:

  • Changing how you react to the thoughts, feelings and memories that pop up all the time in your mind.
  • Knowing your goals and working towards them.
  • What you say and do in your relationships with other people – and therefore how you influence their behaviour.
  • Acting like the person you want to be.
  • Being kind to yourself when you fail or things go wrong.
  • How you care for and look after yourself.

Counselling can help with each of these and by helping us focus on what’s in our control, then the more empowered we feel – and with that comes reduced anxiety, an increased sense of wellbeing and more confidence in ourselves and our relationships.

Why not contact me and book an initial session  – we can look at how we can work together to transform how you look at things and behave in your life – and help you to feel more in control, more confident and more fulfilled. I would love to hear from you.

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